As I look back on the path that has brought me to this moment, I’m struck by the countless experiences—both triumphs and stumbles—that have shaped who I am.
Each failure, every lesson learned from those mistakes, has been a stepping stone on the journey of my life.
People often ask, “If you could change something from your past, would you?” My answer is a heartfelt no.
To alter even one decision would be to rewrite the story of my life, and I wouldn’t risk losing the beautiful moments that have come from it—the joy of raising my children, the deep love I’ve shared with my husband for the past 17 years, and the fulfillment of earning my Ph.D.
Every twist and turn led me here, to a place where I can stand as a wise, compassionate advocate for educational equality, striving to pour more good into the world than I take from it.
This article is born from a place of reflection and a desire to share. It’s my hope that the lessons I’ve gathered along the way can serve as a beacon for those who are navigating their own journey.
May these words not only offer guidance but also inspire you to leave your own mark on the world, filled with kindness, resilience, and a commitment to lifelong growth.
So, here is a letter I would write to the younger version of me:
Dear Younger Me,
I know you’re navigating a world full of uncertainties, but I hope you never lose sight of one simple truth: you have so much to learn, and that’s okay.
Yes, you’ve made mistakes—some might even linger in your mind, replaying like a broken record. But dwelling on what could have been won’t change a thing. Instead, focus on what lies ahead and how you can shape your future.
It’s time to shift your energy toward becoming the person you aspire to be. Learning isn’t just a phase; it’s a lifelong journey. Remember, people come into your life for various reasons and seasons. Cherish the ones who stay—they’re rare gems, loyal souls who are worth holding onto with all your might.
Never apologize for being authentically you. Life is a symphony, and you are the conductor of your own melody. Sing your song with pride, without fear, and with joy in your heart. Don’t shy away from learning from others; let your voice uplift, your dreams guide you, and never hesitate to release the burdens you carry.
Seek therapy when you need it, explore the world with wide-eyed wonder, and above all, love yourself fiercely. Live life fully, love life deeply, and savor every moment.
Your life might feel like a puzzle with missing pieces right now, and that’s ok. It’s fine to not have it all figured out. It’s okay if things feel a bit scattered—those pieces can be mended when you’re ready.
I know you crave perfection, and while you might not see it yet, you are putting those puzzle pieces together. Trust that these lessons will become part of who you are, guiding you toward a life that’s rich with fulfillment and success.
Because, my dear, you deserve nothing less than the best this life has to offer.
I don’t say it enough, but I’m proud of you. You’re stronger, wiser, and more incredible than you realize.
With all my love,
The Older, Ever-Becoming Wiser Me
20 Life Lessons I Wish I Knew Before
1. It’s Ok to ask for help
It’s okay to ask for help. Last week, as I was scrolling through social media I saw lots of posts saying “I’m a boss babe,” I don’t need anyone” etc.
The younger me would have been nodding in full agreement. But the older me understands something deeper: everyone needs saving at some point, even if it’s just a little.
This is why no one truly stands alone. We build alliances, form partnerships, and nurture relationships because, eventually, we all need a helping hand.
It’s one of the reasons we seek companionship in life, whether in friendship or marriage—because sooner or later, we’ll need someone to lean on.
Posts like the ones I saw online make me weary of the toxic positivity that’s often paraded online. It raises a crucial question: Why surround yourself with people who care about you, or why cultivate a network of support, if you never allow yourself to lean on them?
What’s the point of these relationships if you can’t trust them to help you when life throws you a curveball?
2. It’s Not Wrong To Put Yourself FIRST!
For much of my life, I feared being labeled as selfish. Every time I considered prioritizing my own needs, I was haunted by the worry that others would see me as a bad person, wrapped up in the stigma that comes with putting yourself first.
This fear led me to constantly place others’ needs above my own. But now, I’ve come to a crucial realization: if you never put yourself first, you’re not truly living.
True selflessness isn’t about sacrificing yourself to the point of exhaustion just to keep everyone else happy. In fact, selflessness means recognizing that you must care for your own well-being before you can effectively support others.
If you were to disappear today, life would go on—people would move forward, regardless of all you’ve done for them. So, why not choose to put yourself first, at least sometimes? You owe it to yourself to live fully, not just for others, but for you.
3. No One Is Entitled to Love You
Absolutely no one. This truth can be a tough pill to swallow. When my parents divorced when I was just four years old, my dad remarried, and I was fortunate to have an incredible stepmom who I grew to love as a second mother.
Not everyone is so lucky. For many, the reality resembles more of a Cinderella story—minus the happy ending, where instead of a prince with a glass slipper, they’re left with a sense of longing and unfairness.
I’ve seen friends struggle with this harsh reality. They gave their all, doing everything they could to make others happy, yet never received the same depth of love and commitment in return. It’s hard to hear, but it’s true: no one is obligated to stay in your life.
No one has to love you. No one is required to reciprocate the love you so freely give.
Sometimes, you have to accept that life isn’t always fair, and neither are the people in it. But when you do find those who truly love you, cherish them. Count your blessings, and make sure they know just how much they mean to you.
4. Discovering and Embracing Who You Are Shapes the Future You Desire
When we were younger, many of us fell in love with an idea—the person we thought we wanted to become. Often, society and those around us subtly push us toward being someone who fits their mold.
But here’s my perspective: The more you uncover what truly brings you joy, the more you can shape your life and invite the experiences you want.
By understanding your natural strengths and weaknesses, you can offer your greatest gifts to others while staying true to yourself.
This self-awareness isn’t just about personal fulfillment; it’s about becoming the person you genuinely look forward to being.
5. Cutting Out Toxic People Hurts at First, But It’s Worth It in the Long Run
As someone who’s been in toxic relationships, I know firsthand how painful it is to distance yourself from those who bring negativity into your life—especially when they’re people you care about.
It’s hard to accept that the ones we love most can sometimes hurt us the most. I spent years torturing myself over loved ones who made my life miserable, eroded my self-esteem, and made me question my worth.
Letting them go was painful at first, but over time, I realized how much lighter and freer I felt without their negative energy weighing me down.
Once you take that first step in removing toxic people, it becomes easier to do so again. You’ll find yourself more unapologetic in protecting your peace, and your tolerance for negativity will diminish.
It’s a liberating process that allows you to live your life with zero tolerance for anything that doesn’t serve your well-being.
6. Stay Connected to Your Higher Power
In the journey of life, one of the most grounding and reassuring things you can do is talk to and listen to God—or whatever higher or spiritual power you believe in.
This connection offers a source of unwavering support and guidance, especially when life feels uncertain or overwhelming.
No matter how challenging things may get, remember that this higher power never fails you. When you feel lost, take a moment to pray, meditate, or simply reflect.
In those quiet moments, you’ll find strength, clarity, and a sense of peace that nothing else can provide. Trust in this relationship, and let it guide you through the highs and lows of life, knowing you’re never truly alone.
7. You Can Help Others Without Becoming Overly Involved in Their Situations
I used to believe that the best way to help someone was to dive headfirst into their drama—whether it was relationship turmoil, career struggles, or conflicts with friends.
I thought that by immersing myself in their issues, I could make a difference. But all it did was burden me with unnecessary stress and emotional baggage.
Over time, I’ve learned that you can offer support without entangling yourself in the chaos. You can be there for someone without making their problems your own. It’s about helping from a safe distance, offering guidance and empathy without getting consumed by their situation.
Now, whenever I notice myself getting too involved, I remind myself to step back, ensuring that I can continue to help without losing myself in the process.
8. Don’t Rely on Relationships to Make You Happy- Find Happiness Within Yourself First
Expecting a relationship to bring you happiness is a heavy burden to place on your partner, and it’s bound to lead to disappointment.
If you’re not happy with yourself first, you’ll end up putting unrealistic expectations on your partner, making you feel needy and unfulfilled.
The key is to cultivate happiness within yourself. When you’re content with who you are, you can bring your best self into a relationship, creating a healthier and more fulfilling connection.
9. Being Yourself Doesn’t Mean You Shouldn’t Work on Self-Improvement
Embracing who you are is important, but it’s not an excuse to stop growing or to behave poorly. Being yourself should never be a justification for being a half-baked version of who you could be or for acting like a jerk.
Strive to be the best version of yourself, continually working on your weaknesses and building on your strengths.
10. Family Opinions Matter, But They Can Be Wrong Too
Family opinions often carry a lot of weight, but it’s important to recognize that they’re not always right. Many people lose their way or live unfulfilled lives because they’ve let family expectations dictate their choices.
While it’s important to consider your family’s perspective, be prepared to chart your own course when their opinions don’t align with your true self or goals.
11. Lowering Expectations Is Key to Happiness
High expectations often lead to disappointment, especially when it comes to other people. That doesn’t mean you should have no expectations, but rather, manage them wisely.
Keep your expectations in check so that you’re not constantly feeling let down or betrayed. By adjusting your expectations, you protect your happiness and maintain more realistic, fulfilling relationships.
12. Learn How and When to Say No—It’s Not Selfish
I used to be a yes-person, always agreeing to everything in an attempt to please others. But it was draining and left me feeling taken advantage of.
Learning to say “No” was the first step in reclaiming my identity and self-respect.
Saying no doesn’t make you selfish; it’s a necessary act of self-care. Being a people-pleaser won’t make others like you more—in fact, it often leads to being mistreated. Setting boundaries and standing up for yourself is essential for a balanced and healthy life.
13. Don’t Worry About Making Everyone Like You—It’s Impossible
You can’t please everyone, and trying to do so is a recipe for stress and dissatisfaction. Focus on being true to yourself and building relationships with those who appreciate you for who you are.
14. Gradually Expand Your Comfort Zone
Growth happens when you step out of your comfort zone, but it doesn’t have to be all at once.
Take small steps to gradually expose yourself to new challenges and experiences. Over time, you’ll find that you’re ready to tackle bigger fears and face whatever life brings your way.
15. It’s Okay If Not Everyone Clicks With You on a Deep Level
Deep connections are rare, and that’s okay. You won’t connect with everyone on the level you’re seeking, and that’s not a reflection of your worth.
Instead of worrying about what you’re doing wrong, focus on finding those people who truly resonate with you. They’re out there, and they’re worth the wait.
16. People Will Disappoint You—Often, It’s Those Closest to You
Disappointment is a part of life, and it often comes from those we care about most. Don’t let it break you. Instead of dwelling on why they hurt you, focus on moving forward.
Some disappointments are blessings in disguise, and with time, you’ll gain the clarity and strength to heal and grow.
17. Don’t Be Intimidated by Others—There Will Always Be Someone Better
There will always be someone who seems smarter, more attractive, or more successful than you, and that’s okay. Don’t waste time comparing yourself to others.
Instead, focus on your own growth and being the best version of yourself. Your only competition should be the person you were yesterday.
18. Your Boundaries Will Be Tested—Stand Firm
People will push your limits and try to take advantage of your kindness. It’s up to you to set clear boundaries and stick to them.
Don’t let others mistake your kindness for weakness or your love for blindness. Be proactive in protecting your peace and don’t let anyone guilt-trip you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.
19. Life Isn’t a Numbers Game
Life isn’t about how much money you have, the number of clothes in your wardrobe, or the size of your house. It’s not about the car you drive or how many you have parked in your garage.
It’s not even about your physical attributes. The true essence of life isn’t found in material possessions but in the people we connect with, the experiences we cherish, and the memories we create.
Every person you meet has something valuable and exciting to offer. Focus on quality over quantity. Build deep, meaningful relationships rather than accumulating things.
Don’t let material possessions consume you—people and experiences are what truly matter. Love is one of the greatest legacies you can leave behind.
20. If You Never Ask, the Answer Will Always Be No
It’s easy to assume that opportunities are out of reach, but you’d be surprised how often people are willing to help—if only you ask. You’ll never get what you want if you don’t speak up.
There’s a saying: “A closed mouth is a closed destiny.” When you want something, ask for it. If you don’t get a response, it’s okay to follow up.
The worst that can happen is hearing “no,” but the best that can happen is getting what you need.
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by asking for what you want. I firmly believe the Universe listens to what you put out into the world.
Tell the Universe you’re ready to receive good things, speak positively, work towards your goals, and watch how those good things come your way.
Vulnerability is Bravery
You might think that sharing your truth or revealing your pain makes you weak or unwise. But the opposite is true—vulnerability is a powerful act of courage. We’ve all been hurt, but those wounds don’t diminish our worth.
In fact, your past only has power over you if you keep it hidden. When you bring it into the light, it loses its hold.
Embracing vulnerability is where real healing begins. It’s in owning your story that you find your strength. There’s magic in vulnerability, and that magic brings transformation.
Remember that there’s no such thing as a wasted lesson. While I wish I’d learned many of these lessons earlier, that doesn’t make them any less valuable now. In fact, it makes them even more precious.
Just because you’ve learned something later in life doesn’t mean you can’t apply it as you continue to grow.
I’m deeply grateful for the lessons life has given me, and I hope you’re grateful for yours too.
Here’s to becoming the best—though imperfect—versions of the people we’re meant to be!
